25 DIAMONDS LABEL

TOODY COLE INTERVIEW, 7/9/21 – 8/17/21

#1, first, thank you for granting this interview, Toody. i hope to create something that can inspire and lift up people who both know you well, and who have never heard your name before.can you give me a feel for your daily life these days? do you still live in the house, i assume? are you working anywhere? when’s the last time you picked up a musical instrument?

Toody:Right now since it’s summer weather, I’m trying to get outside earlier in the day for outside work. I’m reroofing our garage right now with rolled roofing–halfway done!!Of course I’m still at the house, probably die here like Fred did–love this place–our museum, did 90% of all the work & building on the place ourselves, memories everywhere. The house sits on 21.5 acres, mostly left to grow wild but still lots of work & maintenance to be dealt with. I’m also running the website deadmoonusa.com & get orders out at the Clackamas post office twice a week. Really enjoy physical labor & need to be busy most of the time, so guess that’s my “job”!Last time I picked up my bass was about a month or two ago to do a studio recording of “Johnny’s got A Gun” with some local musicians who have a podcast they were doing during Covid. One of our good friends Chris Newman from Napalm Beach passed away recently & I have plans to play a bit in an all-girl one-off band at his memorial in Sept. Don’t really play much at all, not the same without Fred, and I’m not a songwriter or guitar player.

#2: You said you would “probably die here like Fred did” about the house in Clackamas – is that what happened? Did Fred die at the house? Was he buried or cremated? Any specific end of life rituals?

Toody: Yeah, Fred spent his last couple weeks here at home in hospice care & passed away here in the house. He hated hospitals (like most men !!) & had time to visit with each of our kids, grandkids & close friends who were able to come out to see him. According to his wishes, he was cremated & after I’ve done the same, our ashes will be spread together here on the property. Romantic to a fault, one of a kind & love of my life.

#3: Is life different without Fred than you expected it would be? If so, how? Do you identify as a ‘widow’? Did you expect Fred would pass before you? Do you have friends and family you spend time with regularly?

Toody: I really had no expectation of what life might be without Fred other than not playing music anymore but I already knew that was soon to come anyway. He was so sick at the end of our last Euro tour with the Fred & Toody duo in early 2017, I couldn’t imagine that we’d be up on stage again together. It’s actually pretty much the same life as before except now it’s up to me to take care of everything instead of just half of the responsibilities. I’m trying to finish up a lot of projects we started together but never had the time to get done.Still don’t feel like a “widow” although technically I guess I am, rather more partnerless. Like most women, I guess I did expect to outlive him, odds point that direction for the women in my family. Fred burned hot & bright, I’m more cool & long–opposites attract, right?I see friends & family when the occasion arises but nothing on a regular basis. Always been a loner, so I don’t feel lonely by myself & enjoy other people when I see them once in a while.

Ian, I’m off for a short vacation to the beach casinos, back at the end of the week. Later, Toody

#4: can you fill us all in on some of the various projects that have been occupying your time of late? you had a shop going in the basement of MIssissippi Records in PDX, correct? can you describe the vibe of the spot for us a bit? is it still going? do you feel… happy, content, at peace in life at this point? have you ever not?

Toody: Most of my projects right now are home improvement related, reroofing the garage, finishing the last of the fisheye shingles that never got done on the back side of the house, keeping the “grass” & vegetation under control both here at the house & at Tombstone. I’m still working on liquidating a bunch of the musical stock left over from when we shut Tombstone Music down.I did have a shop (Junkstore Cowboy) going in the basement of Mississippi Records in Portland for about 6-7 months until the pandemic hit & had to close that down due to Covid. Too small of a space for “social distancing” & I sort of lost interest in doing it after such a long statewide closure mandate. It was a blast while it lasted, a mixture of a little of everything plus some Dead Moon memorabilia and posters etc. Best part for me was getting the chance to be visited by some of the touring bands who dropped by on their way to other gigs up & down the west coast. Still miss that comradeship between working musicians on the road, only way to know what it’s really like is to have done it yourself.Everything changes whether we want it to or not, are ready for it or not, expect it to or not. Each day brings new challenges & rewards, each phase of our lives are different from the one before & the one after. Just the way it is, best to try & embrace them all, learn from the mistakes, treasure the highlights & remember it’s all an adventure & a journey–sit back & enjoy the ride!

#5: do you know what comes next for Toody Cole? What the rest of Toody’s life may look like? Can you imagine ever dating/finding romance again? Have you seen bands play since the pandemic started? are you still drinking whiskey and smoking cigs?you mentioned you took a quick vacation to do some gambling — is that a semi-regular part of your life? any awesome payoffs ever? is it weird without Fred and/or Andrew? are you at least pulling shorter shifts at the casino these days than depicted in the documentary (Unknown Passage)? Keno still your game?

Toody: What comes next will find me, not the other way around, no dating / romance for sure. (how could you top Fred & Toody!!) I go with the flow, always have, but some exciting developments ahead. I’ll be playing bass with an all-female one-off band for Chris Newman’s memorial bash in Sept here in PDX. Might have mentioned that already. I also was asked recently by Greg Oblivian to emcee the opening night this year at Goner fest Sept 23rd, so first plane ride in quite awhile and killer to be involved in one more round of Goner fest.I have seen a couple of bands play in the last month or so, both outdoors & very small, invite only gatherings. Local clubs are just now booking for shows in August & September so we’ll know soon just how “back to normal” things will be in the live music scene.Yes, Keno is still a constant in my life, not as much fun sometimes as when Fred was there by my side & the competition was on! Not as long of sessions as in the documentary, usually 4-8 hours at a time but still too much fun. I try to get away once a month for a few days, my time to unwind, drink shots of Jager with club soda backs ( no cigs anymore), daydream, remember the past & wonder about the future.

#6: To what degree were you actually INTERESTED in playing in bands/being a musician? Was it something you craved or called to you, or was it simply (at very first, at least) a wife trying to make her husband happy?What were the best elements of your life with Fred? What was hard? Given the amazing life you had together, I’m curious both of if there’s anything in retrospect you wish had been different and what lessons you think others could learn from your amazing relationship with your husband?

Toody: My thing was wanting to be on stage period. Acting was my 1st thought but playing in a band was way more fulfilling than acting probably ever would have been. It always called out to me but I never actively sought it out. Playing music was at first just to please Fred & help him get his next band project going. I never thought I’d have the talent for it truthfully & was still very shy!Best thing about Fred was his sense of adventure & never being afraid to give it a go, try something even if he didn’t know how to do it at first. Totally self-taught & DIY from the very beginning. Harder way to do things, for sure, but that sense of accomplishment was something we both needed in our lives. No regrets, wouldn’t change a thing–can’t anyway! Whatever lessons have been learned from us or influences we’ve had on others are up to those who feel that way. Take to heart what speaks to you but make your life your own.

#7: and so, how do people make life their own? how did YOU? how DO you?

Toody: Wow, that’s one of those universal questions that no one knows the “correct” answer to. All the big questions in life you’ve got to figure out for yourself. No one size fits all & no guide book or rule book to follow. I try to learn from the mistakes, look forward more than back & always hope to become a better version of myself.

So Ian, that was question #7. I’ll do one more since Fred’s lucky number was 8 and then I’m done. Hope you got what you were looking for. Probably see you at Goner anyway, Toody

#8: have you learned from your mistakes? if so, what have you learned? what do you see when you look forward? what still deserves to be look at from back? in closing, can you tell me a bit about what that better version of Toody Cole means? are there parts you yet hope to materialize/reinforce within this life?

Toody: I hope I’ve learned not to repeat them but there are so many mistakes to be made!! Nothing serious but for instance playing video keno, still trying to come up with the “system” & quit while I’m ahead has proven to be just about impossible. Love it all the same though, old habits die hard or not at all sometimes. Everything in the past deserves to be remembered but can’t be changed, wish we could go back sometimes but that time machine isn’t operating yet. Besides the memories are undoubtedly better in hindsight than the actual event, right? Looking forward is a bit foggy & distorted, never sure what’s up ahead, not supposed to know anyway & I’d rather be surprised at the next version of Toody Cole on down that road.

Well that’s it! Over & out, Toody